There’s got to be a better way   
by B Johnston 
December 1, 2006

I’ve just permanently locked the jaws of my new shredder on a coin that I didn’t detect inside a solicitation letter from an organization I’ve never heard of and I’m wondering…through gritted teeth…when will this end??? I bought the shredder, the new $150.00 confetti making kind, because apparently if all you have is the $29.00 straight cut model, you might just as well sell you identity for a dollar on eBay cause some criminal with the patience of Job, who probably majored in jigsaw puzzles in college, will paste together the pieces and before lunch he’ll be buying himself a Rolex or a Roller, depending on your credit rating. 

Don’t get me wrong…identity theft is a real issue. I shared the experience with my ex-husband back before I’d even heard of it. I was home alone when the tow truck pulled into our driveway, one 3 a.m., to repossess some cars we didn’t have, nor had we ever, but which had been financed using my ex’s identity. It took years to get it straightened out. Years. And this thief had managed to do it all using the information in my found wallet. So I’m actually pretty sensitive to the possibilities. Which is why…I’m getting to a point here…I feel the need to shred the labels that come by the bushel in those “your free gift enclosed” solicitations. 

I consider it my privilege to have resources enough to share. I take the responsibility of my gifts in this life very seriously. I attempt to use them judiciously, to maximize the impact of my donations. That is why I’ve decided to never again send money to any organization that mass mails unsolicited gifts of any kind. Multiply the dime lodged in my shredder by what? a thousand? Five thousand? I don’t do math, but I think, even with a non-profit’s reduced postage, that adds up to a lot of cash which those folks could have used to buy trees or blankets. The sad part is that many of these organizations are doing wonderful work but they’ve allowed some agency to sell them the idea that people respond to “free gifts” by sending more money than they do when all they get is a good and logical case for requesting support. This idea may have worked, back when it was new. Now I think there’s a building backlash. I’m not the only person I know who uses “free gift” as an automatic qualifier for the waste can. 

But, and here’s the rub, you can’t just throw them away, can you, because they contain those blasted labels with your name and address on them, which could be used for nefarious purposes. So you buy the confetti maker and you shred. If you buy the super confetti maker that eats staples, you can actually shred without having to open every envelope, thereby saving yourself enough time to write indignant editorials. The limit on my recently defunct, practically pristine shredder is 8 pages. Eight pages with no hard currency.

There’s got to be a better way.

ImageSample letter in response to “free gifts.” If you are tired of receiving them, I suggest some version of the following be sent. 

Dear Solicitor:

I am saddened that I am unable to make a contribution at this time. Although I may have supported your programs in the past, I feel that the use of “free gift” solicitations is an irresponsible use of funds and an offense to the environment. I will no longer donate to any organization that mass mails “free” anything, from cash to address labels and note cards. I am bothering to write this note in hopes that it will stir you to reconsider this policy. Please remove my name from your mailing lists.

Sincerely, etc.

copyright © 2005 B Johnston